there's a hole in my sole.

This is a “fashion” blog, although as of late my depressive unruly brain wants to create a self-help forum, and instead of writing about shoes I’d rather see how many pairs I have to buy to fill the hole/whole in my sole/soul. I haven’t reached that number yet, but I’m convinced the pair in the post has the potential to heal my heart (That’s the hope, right?). But then again, no one has yet to answer the age-old question of how many licks it takes to get to the center...of a tootsie sickos!

On a much more serious and oh, but of course darker note, my heart is broken. By broken I don’t mean the boy I was dating dipped and left me crying in my steel cut oats. I mean my heart is perpetually blue, and at times even leaves me thinking I could be a well-dressed poster child for antidepressants. Close your eyes and imagine this: Me on a poster in your doctor’s office holding a big bottle of happy pills, cheesing ear to ear, on my shoulder a beautiful Italian crafted handbag, and strutting heels I’ve only worn in my wildest dreams. We can all agree life isn’t strictly comprised of sunshine, rainbows, and puppies. And the tiresome and utterly pointless effort to get rid of all the black and have a life that consist of only white is what seems to make life that much more difficult.

In a recent Meditation in the City: A Shambhala Podcast, Joe Mauricio poses the question: Can avoiding unhappiness actually cause our unhappiness?

“………Maybe the very things that you think are holding you back actually are making you interesting and actually maybe even give you a way in to understanding other people’s difficulties. See the way we’re hurt, damaged, confused is actually our way in to understanding other peoples hurt, damage, and confusion. You think that the world will like you better if your world just hits 100% and everything is perfect and great and actually people will just hate you for that. Cause you’ll be so out of their league, ya know. We all have that one friend who has it all together and it’s like oh God….whatever. I’m kidding, I think its great when people have it together, but nobody really has it together because the people that have it together still have to go home at night, close their eyes, and be with themselves and find those places inside they don’t find completely satisfying. Places where they’re insecure and frightened.”

Broken heart, guilt you can seem to shake, financial trouble, low self-esteem, family issues, fears, anxieties, you name it for the list goes on and on. Screaming at those creepy little monsters, wishing they didn’t exist, and being angry at yourself for not being able to move past only makes them BIGGER, SCARIER and leans heavily on the very side we want to shift. Be patient with the little creepy monsters and maybe, if you dare, try to make friends with them. If you’re sad, be sad. If you are hurt, be hurt. My recommendation isn’t a lifelong wallowing sentence. Just be exactly where you are, recognize it, accept it, and don’t apologize for it. I can promise you there’s peace in that...

and a collection of heels that heal.